nothing is too weird.
liquid confidence.
i look different but i'm just like everyone else. i'm normal
fuck mumbles.
how many minutes should i wait until i text back?
dont talk to me at all.
stop.shut up. this is our conversation
write what you choose to say
giggle giggle sip sip
i like thinking out loud but you think i mean what i say but i never really do. i'velied to you my whole life. i dont stand for anything or believe in anything that i say i do. how do you feel about that?
tssss tssss tsssss.
stop lying jessica.
my mind is way to blurry, everything fuzzy, i don't like it but i cant stop making it that way, so lets talk about this liquid confidence.
it makes me vomoit out words that i mean
and i dont want people to know what i really mean
i dont get why we regret it the morning after
if thats the honest truth.
why can't we be honest without liquid confidence?
we mask it with lies white and black.
it's silly.
and thats why i want to drink all of the time. so i can vomit all over you.
its funny to have thoughts and words come out of my finger tips.
my mouth has no purpose right now, its just there taking up space on my face.
hurtingggg.or hungry? ouch
i love sarah she's so weird.
i am too but she understands how to be weird which is also know as
being yourself.
no one acts like themself because they don't know how to
sarah and i are considered weird because we dont give a fuck and do things
publicly
that "normal" people would
do behind a closed bathroom door.
we should just drink some more vodka.
i dont know
romeo and juliet one?
i can't stop thinking about nude.
heh ehe heheh
i know me neither.
wait sarah has an idea
wierd? whats weird? who decides.
its basically rebeling
society has rules and certain ways people should do or be like
wierd is breaking through these actions into another level, an unfamiliar one and uncommon at that.

you want me?
so come on and break the door down,
ill be waiting
why did i say cock, thats awkward



my ears dont drum any more.
they are non drumming ears
so i guess they wont be in the band this year

i'm so indecisive.
i like leaves.
i'm not scared to give him that stpid present.
especially that i'm drunk know.
hey what did you tell them?
i dont knoww.
pshhh....
you just forgot?
yeah
i want to see my brain, i want to know how it works
i want to follow my thoughts through the noodles and make sure that each thought gets safley to its destination. then ill tuck it in and kiss it goodnight.
what are feelings? they are invisible and still worse then any other visible thing out there. we cant touch it we cant see it we cant smell it.
i have a pain in my brain
silence is a bore
jessicas a hore
i want to pass out on the floor
caring is creepy
im not sleepy
fuck your teepee
were going peepee
i feel like sunglasses at night. useless but still fashionable

I Got To You But There Was Nothing Left.

"Yab Yum"





So I left on Friday to Albuquerque and have returned as of 3 hours ago. I dind't care too much about the reason we went there for but i enojyed very much the people that we met. They were very gracious with their shelter and drinks. And just enjoying our company and introducing us to what they do for fun. They have kickball games on Sundays and drink out from a keg during half time. I love Albuquerque. More than I've ever have loved it. ay more. See it's good to take a gander at everything more than once. Dont be so quick to judge you definately might miss out. I didn't think i could read much while being on the road but i read a good forty pages into dharma bums...oh i love that book. There's so much insight.
Kerouac is always getting me giddy with his way with words. He was so down with anything and he was always learning new things. He's a great observer for sure.
He was looking for that bit of peace with patience and travel and encounters with other humans along the way. What an admirable man he was, is, has become. Always will be.




"This is what they do in temples of Tibet. It's holy ceremony, it's done just like this in front of chanting priests. People pray and recite Om Mani Pahdme Hum, which means Amen the Thunderbolt in the Dark Void. I'm the thunerbolt and Princess is the dark void, you see."

Aside

i love the weakerthans.
they advise me without knowing.
and they reassure me without knowing.
they do a lot without knowing.
i hope i have done or do that to someone or will.


"Measure me in metered lines, in one decisive stare, the time it takes to get from here to there. My ribs that show through t-shirts and these shoes I got for free; I'm unconsoled, I'm lonely. I am so much better than I used to be. Terrified of telephones and shopping mall, and knives, and drowning in the pools of other lives. Rely a bit to heavily on alcohol and irony. Get clobbered on by courtesy, in love with love, and lousy poetry. And I'm leaning on a broken fence between Past and Present tense. And I'm losing all these stupid games that I swore I'd never play. And it almost feels okay. Circumnavigate this body of wonder and uncertainty. Armed with every precious failure, and amateur cartography, I breathe in deep before I spread these maps out on my bedroom floor. Leaving. Wave goodbye. Losing, but I'll try, with the last ways left, to remember. Sing my imperfect offering. "

Of course you can paint on me.

The things I miss...
The people I miss...
I don't understand what I'm rying to accopmlish by
talking to him still.
I have so much false hope.
The pretty picture painted in my head isn't really that pretty.
I'm just a suckah and I'm down for any attention I can get from him.
NO matter the circumstance. What a desperado.
why don't you come to your senses?
Well I don't have normal ones. or Common sensical ones.
I live life vicariously through a girl that I made up in my head.
She's everything i could want to be and she has everything i could ever want/need.
But My bubble pops once you realistic people tell me how it isn't.
If I'm masking my avoiding what i should do and I'm happy with it then isn't that alright?
Heart break is the worst pain I've felt in life so far.
As soon as something stings me worse than that.
I might get a grip.
I'm ignorantly stubborn.
So I'm going to persist yet again in about five minutes.
you really have ruined me.

Silencio

The people that I admire are the people that are little weirdos.
The one's who don't give a fuck, the ones who aren't "normal" according to
a "perfect society". All you rebels. I'm not sure where the hell my decisions in life
will take me but i hope at least it's taking me somewhere. Along with all my little oddball aquaintances and friends. Don't ever leave my world
or everything i love will die. You make up the best part of the world.
we dress up the earth and give it style and hope and make it okay to be yourself.
At least we try to.
i'm in love. will it come back to us?
or will we talk about it only?
i need to act on it really soon before it goes away.
help me love.
pussy pussy marijuana.

BYork, BYork

What the hell mang?
Bjork is my favorite living anything.
I'm packing my bags and movin' into her brain.
Imagine what a neighborhood in Bjorks' brain would look like.
Instead of creepy and disease infested flies hovering over my trash
She'd probably want this lil' dude hovering my trash.
Meester Fly, she calls him. haha. Fuck dude I'm down for Bjork to have a BYork, BYork city. So... Start spreadin' the news, I'm leavin' today. I want to be a part of it in ol' BYork. If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere. Come on Come through BYork, BYork!
Alright I'm done for now.
I'll edit much more later. Heh Heh.

You Couldn't Lose Me If you Tried.

Love you all the time
Even though you’re not mine
Love you all the time
Dream I’m in the saltwater

Timing’s gone all bad
Broken faith and a broken way
You couldn’t lose me if you tried
‘Cos I’ll be rollin’ to your side, baby

Love you all the time
Even though you’re not mine
Love you all the time
Broken faith and a broken way

You couldn’t lose me if you tried