Building nothing out of Something

Sadness is the toughest sting to overcome. Being forced to decide what is better for yourself over what is better for 'us' is even trickier. I hardly think about what I should do benefit myself. I can't collect like others. I just collect others that need to collect.I feel like I rely on a companion of any sort to guide me and I think that that is what you should do some of the times but in the end I feel like you should have absorbed and pushed away. I've seen this and maybe I should. This tingling confusion in my collarbone is making me tear up. Decisions like these are hard to make and I wish I could take full responsibility of my own life at this point. It's harder when you're in love. It's harder when you're a bitch and in love. It's harder when you know that you're a bitch and you can't stop acting like one and still in love. After Obsession follows withdrawals. How do you control yourself?
Google it. Google your question for everything.
i'm swollen with tears and mucus and options that feel like i have no option.
what does a bitch do?